When we live in a country where a gun-toting crazy fuck starts spraying his easily-bought semi-automatic at a public place, usually full of innocent women and children, it’s just a matter of time when the madness knocks on your back door. Don’t keep thinking “It’ll never happen here” because it will until there’s a legitimate and concrete change in our insanely loose gun laws (Or lack of any, I should have said).

That’s what happened to us in Portland. A day after Gabby and I were casually hanging out in the same neighborhood, another insane asshole opened fire at a mall and killed two people. Not like the media could have any time giving us every little tiny detail about this piece of shit’s life and background, therefore turning him into a public figure, which is probably what he was after anyway. Because two days after this tragedy, a much, much bigger one took place at Sandy Elementary.

Of course when asked, the “Dickless Lunatics at the NRA”, as affectionately coined by our lord and savior George Carlin, will blame anything but guns. They say it’s because of violent movies and video games, a godless society and even a lack of guns. Yes, according to them, the way to solve the gun-toting lunatic problem is by arming everyone aged 0 to 120. They think we live in an action movie and that Die Hard and 24 are documentaries.

They keep quoting war-torn nations having to train their teachers and staff to protect themselves from terrorists. If teachers were packing like they do in Israel, they so lovingly state, none of this would have happened. Of course in their eyes there’s nothing different between a professional who was trained in the army and a random, clueless guidance counselor who study after study shows will more than likely shoot more innocent people by accident instead of the assailant.

And why does the press ask the NRA about their opinions on guns after such a shooting takes place? When a serial child rapist is caught, no one asks NAMBLA their opinion. If they did, would we find it so offensive after they would defend the rapist and accuse the children of “asking for it”? Why are we so shocked when the NRA says similar stupid shit?

Anyway, what does any of this have to do with movies? Here it is: I am all for violence in movies and I support a strict separation of entertainment and real life. Whenever right-wing zealots complain that violent video games and movies are corrupting our youth, I just laugh it off.

But maybe there’s something to this. Maybe the corruption is not about the youth, but people’s maturity in general. After all, I’m sure there are millions of 12-year-olds who can differentiate the graphic violence  in R-Rated and M-Rated movies and video games and real life, consider it to be nothing but visceral entertainment and grow up to be normal members of society. I was watching R-Rated action movies when I was 10, now I hate guns and could not get near one. When I write an action movie, however, of course I will think of any creative and gruesome ways for random bad guys to die. It comes with the territory of the genre.

But apparently there are “adults” in this world, 40, 50, 60-plus-year-olds, who watch 24 and apply it completely to real life and believe torture to be an excellent way of interrogation. How else will Jack Bauer find that bomb that’s about to go off in 35 minutes? They watch Under Siege or Die Hard and wholeheartedly believe that if there was anyone armed in that situation, the day would have been saved.

Maybe there should be an additional movie rating next to the age limit. I would call it NRA-NO. Here’s how it works: When you’re buying a movie ticket online or at the box office, if the movie is rated NRA-NO, the computer will search your name in the NRA member database. And if you’re an NRA member, you don’t get to see the movie. It doesn’t matter how old you are.

I would say any action movie that turns shoot-em-up violence into pure entertainment should be rated NRA-NO. You’re an NRA member and you wanna rent The Rock? Tough shit buddy, you might get the impression that Nicholas Cage’s character, an egghead who would have been killed within two seconds in real life, would exist in real life and could have saved children if only he was armed. You wanna watch Skyfall? Fuck no! What if you actually believe any armed British person can kill the bad guy at a shopping mall shooting?

The bottom line is, we need to protect our NRA members from such filth. There should be strict protection on NRA-NO rated movies and video games so we don’t have to keep dealing with idiots who cannot separate fiction from real life.

7 responses »


  2. Pingback: ABOUT THE “DICKLESS LUNATICS” AT THE NRA | From Portland With Love | eleganzabello

  3. Wow, that was such a well thought out piece of literary genius, and with such an astounding level of vocabulary usage that I, as an NRA member (who just discovered from this post that I am dickless), was unable to comprehend your writing style, much less what sort of elusive point there was to be made.

    It sounded to me like a crazed fifth grader who didn’t get their way taking their toys and going home.

    Well, I must say, as an NRA member, Patriot, War Veteran, Retired Military guy, and a bunch of other characteristics of honor and integrity, I found this post not only lacking in quality of style, but also down right offensive.

    “Dickless?” Ask your wife or girlfriend about me, and I am sure she will be happy as hell to explain to you that I am not, and that further, well, further and further it goes….LOLOL. Hell, I crack ME up.

    Ok, that was a cheap shot. Sorry I stooped to your level momentarily. Must have been watching a violent movie earlier and it rubbed off on me….the one who is probably twenty years your senior and who has actually been in situations wherein I had to use my weapon or die a proud soldier. Well my friend, I have chosen to live, even with people who post such things as this enjoying the right to free speech that I defended. Hmmm…..well, gee whiz, I’m such a dickless (& stupid) NRA member, that is all I can come up with to write myself. You see, YOUR POST rubbed off on this “dickless NRA” member, and now “I” can no longer write sensibly. Golly gee whiz.

    Have a nice day enjoying the other freedoms I ensured you are able to enjoy, while you continue to attempt to reduce MY freedom to own and use my gun(s). Maybe when you wake up, you will have followed the yellow brick road back to Kansas…



    • Walter from The Big Lebowski is right on all accounts.

      Your comment on acting like a fifth grader at the fear of having your toys taken away, how ironic is it that the gun nuts are the ones who act like petulant children at the mere thought of having to wait an extra day or two to get your hands on a rocket launcher so we can at least find out whether or not you’re insane enough to kill a bunch of kids at a school. But no, you have to have that instant gratification of holding onto that metal extension of your small penis as soon as you want it.

      What characteristics of honor and integrity? War veteran and retired military guy, fine, although mentioning both is redundant (I’m guessing you have to be in the military to become a war veteran), these must have required great work and sacrifice on your part. But to equate that with being an NRA member? You can become an NRA member online in 2 minutes, it means absolutely nothing as an accomplishment. The second your credit card is charged, bam, you’re an “esteemed” NRA member.

      First of all, you didn’t really read my article, or didn’t understand it. The Dickless comment comes directly from George Carlin, so blame him. Not that I don’t agree with him but I didn’t come up with it or say it myself, although I wish I had on both accounts. About your extremely mature comments about screwing my wife or girlfriend, how do you know I’m not gay? I have a feeling you might retract your comments when it comes to your desire to rape my husband or boyfriend. Also, how do you know you’re 20 years my senior? Even if you are, you’re part of the generation and way of thinking that assumes intellectual and moral superiority depending on age. Age is a number and doesn’t mean dick. It’s your actions and thoughts that matter.

      Somehow an attempt at any sort of discussion into gun control from your side devolves into the “enjoy your freedoms while they last” rant. How is a simple background check, or making sure a person is a responsible gun owner trampling on your freedoms? NO ONE’S SAYING YOU CANNOT HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS GUNS. Perhaps a quarter of the effort it takes to get a driver’s license will suffice? It surprises me even more that people in the military take NRA’s stance. If you were a person who personally saw the kind of damage guns and especially semi-automatic assault weapons can do on a human body, wouldn’t you make damn sure only trained, responsible gun owners would have access to that kind of arsenal? But no, it’s all about freedoms, and we cannot wait 2 minutes to get our hands on our precious guns. And if a couple hundred innocent kids die after an insane asshole buys a third world country’s army worth of weaponry from the internet, so be it, those children probably deserved a couple bullets in the head anyway.

      • WTH? Chill dude please.
        All your BS is, as u probably desired, giving me a headache.
        I do not care in the least if u r LBGT or anything else, as long as it doesn’t involve animals btw.

        Don’t really even recall this thread–must be old–but given your tone and all, I’m supposing u r just another anti-gunner spewing hate at the wrong people.
        We who own and carry legally aren’t who u should be griping at or about. How about u gripe at your reps and the myriad PD’s in the nation who aren’t enforcing the laws on the books already vs butting heads with me?
        More laws? Sure, that’ll help. Ya all are doing no more than pissing off the very people that could and would save yer rump in a crisis.
        Guess really all I have to say to u is “what-the-“F”-ever”
        Now go away boy, you are bothering me.

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